Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
