We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
