let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
