And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
