im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I love having hate sex.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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