My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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