not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
