wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
