I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
