White coat. Heels.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
