she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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