I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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