there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
pray to the hookup gods
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
