Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
