I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize