Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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