I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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