nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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