She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
