i need an iv and a liver transplant
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
