Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
