we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
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It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
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While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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