Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
