my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize