My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
