If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize