You're so nebulous sometimes
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
