Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
