is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
