ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
