At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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