The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
