i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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