I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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