Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize