I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
