It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
