I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
