Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
