Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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