Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
