Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
