If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
