I wish I could punch you in the face.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
