I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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