i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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