Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
