he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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