Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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