Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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