Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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