my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
