I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Sober January is a disaster.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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