My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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