You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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