dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
