im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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