I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
