im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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