All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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