pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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