I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
