I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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